Crazy story-but need objective advice

[christine]

Hello. I'm new here. I recently came up with a business idea and while looking for a loan to start the platform, I found an investor. He put in 100k as a convertible note, I quit my job and he started developing the software.

We got to market in one vertical and he suddenly backed out. He is very wealthy and very talented as a developer and I am very disappointed.

He told me he was mostly pulling out because my fiance and I had problems. Long story, but my platform started in the healthcare vertical. My fiance is a doctor. A couple of years ago he was arrested and found not guilty for breaking my hand in an "accident". It was in the local newspaper. What happened was he wouldn't let me leave during a fight and he yanked a bag out of my hand, and that twisted my hand and broke bones requiring surgery.

He was not indicted. Grand Jury didn't pursue it. I am very scared to tell people (potential investors) that he is my fiance because of this. I introduced them as a doctor who could help us....and I figured my business partner would get the hint since we were always together.

My business partner eventually got uncomfortable because he was at every meeting. And he pushed me to make sure that was the case. Behind the scenes he was demanding I give him equity because he felt he was helping me/us so much. My business partner said he felt he made ownership claims in small talk and he was done. He pulled out.

Now? I'm searching high and low for a new investor to help asap or this business will die. My fiance says he wants this guy off the business documents and he wants to partner with me and ONLY then would he consider helping me get a loan (if I don't get investors).

I just got accepted to present to a large group of investors and my fiance is very adamant that I bring him and make him a co founder. He wants everyone to know we are together and that he is helping. He says that I am doing myself a disservice by trying to hide him and that people will find out and it's best that I just be open and honest about him OR leave him. He said you have to chose ....either me and your company or you and your company.

I feel very jaded and scared. I don't know who to talk to. I want to get past this and get funding. He does have a lot of contacts... but I feel like everyone looks at him (and me) like hot messes.

What would you suggest that I do?

 

[djbaxter]

Dump your fiance and pursue your business. You might even still be able to get your previous investor/developer back if you do, but even if that doesn't happen you can still get your life back.

This guy is controlling and abusive. Get out before it gets worse because it sure as heck won't get any better.

 

[mfawcett]

I agree with DJ, get out while you can. It sounds like your fiance is using you. I don't blame the initial investor for pulling out.

 

[christine]

I agree with DJ, get out while you can. It sounds like your fiance is using you. I don't blame the initial investor for pulling out.

Well, my presentation is Friday. So this means I should be rid of him by then? No pressure. We have been together for 4 years. And I struggle -- in a big way. Maybe it's codependency -- or stockholm syndrome. (He is not physically abusive but mentally--yes). I just wonder if I should take him to this? He is a doctor. He does make my case in healthcare...but anyone who googles him/us...they will see our past. Whether it is justified or not -- it's there.

Would you leave before this? BTW I told my business partner that I left (I hadn't but said I would) and asked him to reconsider. He said no. (

 

[mfawcett]

Well, my presentation is Friday. So this means I should be rid of him by then? No pressure. We have been together for 4 years. And I struggle -- in a big way. Maybe it's codependency -- or stockholm syndrome. (He is not physically abusive but mentally--yes). I just wonder if I should take him to this? He is a doctor. He does make my case in healthcare...but anyone who googles him/us...they will see our past. Whether it is justified or not -- it's there.

Would you leave before this? BTW I told my business partner that I left (I hadn't but said I would) and asked him to reconsider. He said no. (

I know it must be terribly difficult, but based on what you're saying, I would not take him to that meeting. If he gets aggressive about it, you can use that as an opportunity to push back. I'm sorry you're going through this. Good luck!

 

[djbaxter]

christine:

You don't necessarily need to leave the relationship before your presentation but I agree fully with mfawcett: Do NOT let him go to that meeting. I believe there is a very good chance he will sabotage it.

Frankly, it sounds to me like he is threatened by the possibility of you have independent success. He doesn't want that because it will decrease the control he has over you.

 

[christine]

Unfortunately, it's one in the same. If I tell him he can't come...he will be done. And even if he's not --he will make it appear that way to make sure I suffer the consequences of my actions (as he puts it)

Tonight he was very upset with me because I was "unable to be grateful for the amount of time and effort he put into my business and appeared selfish and disrespectful to him"

He blew up and told me the "universe/God is watching and that I will suffer the consequences of my actions". He says that my actions are very disgusting to him and my selfish nature will cause a colossal failure for me personally and for my business.

He screamed and demanded I look at him "you reap what you sow. I hope you can sleep with your selfish unhappy attitude"

And this was just because I wasn't thanking him again in the convo for his help. He has NO idea I am considering having him out of the meeting.

He was also PAID by ME 5k and I also paid for his sample pilot out of my own pocket ...for his part. He said what he contributed was worth hundreds of thousands and I was smacking him in the face by suggesting that was even considered a "payment" for his help. And yes...we are engaged. He wanted PAYMENT AND EQUITY!

 

[christine]

I don't think he wants to sabatoge the business because he thinks I'll come around and will give him money/equity.
I think the only danger for him being at this meeting is for people to identify who he is (we are) and realize that we were involved in domestic violence a couple of years ago.

I think some people might run from that alone...but the fact that he wants to insert himself...is a big issue.

christine:

You don't necessarily need to leave the relationship before your presentation but I agree fully with mfawcett: Do NOT let him go to that meeting. I believe there is a very good chance he will sabotage it.

Frankly, it sounds to me like he is threatened by the possibility of you have independent success. He doesn't want that because it will decrease the control he has over you.

 

[djbaxter]

I used the term "independent success" advisedly. If he is part of your success, he can claim it was due to his contributions.

 

[christine]

Agreed. Yes. And he does that consistently. that is what the fight was all about tonight.
I appreciate this insight because I think i'm so sheltered, I don't see the ramifications properly.

He said my business partner was just jealous of him...or that he is just too smart and my business partner was intimidated.

The truth is I have a client who has offered to help me prepare for this presentation tomorrow. It's an older man. And I don't want my fiance to go or to meet him. I think this guy would dislike his non stop bragging.... and it's my client and I'm worried.

I know that I either have to cancel the meeting tomrrow or figure out some lie about why I need to do this meeting with a "man" who is clearly "after something".

It's just exhausting.

I used the term "independent success" advisedly. If he is part of your success, he can claim it was due to his contributions.

 

[djbaxter]

Don't you deserve better than this relationship, christine?

 

[christine]

Maybe...I guess I just don't know how to get through this. Sounds stupid, but everything about this business reminds me of him. I think it's going to be very difficult for me to face my life alone -- I know I probably sound pathetic and almost self sabotaging....

Don't you deserve better than this relationship, christine?

 

[djbaxter]

christine, there is no "maybe" about it. You absolutely do deserve better. Yes, it is difficult getting out of any bad relationship but you need to do it for your future and when you look back in a few years you will see that clearly.